March 2, 2010
What a week. I have to say I saw this coming though. We’ve been fighting for weeks; I just couldn’t take it anymore. It seemed mutual though, which makes me wonder how long he’s been considering we just weren’t right for each other. Had he been considering it for as long as I had, or maybe even longer? I guess it doesn’t really matter, mom & dad will be here in the morning & it’s back to Boise. I can’t believe it’s been four years. Four years in Coeur d’ Alene for a boy. What was I thinking? What a waste of time & energy & tears. The sooner I get to sleep the sooner I’m out of here. Can’t wait to hit the road back to Boise…
LIFE HAPPENS
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| Best Friend |
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| Head Coach |
God puts people in your life for a reason…
March 25, 2010
Easily one of the best parts about being back in Boise is being back with my best friend Jonathan. Tonight he brought me to his booster banquet that was held for all the Timberline Athletics & THANK GOD he did! Goodwin was there obviously, & he asked me if I wanted to start coaching!! He told me to be at practice on Monday J J Funny how things work out!
I think I’ll be coaching for a long time. It’s a passion that gets me through each day. I can’t explain the feeling I get hitting grounders & critiquing defensive approaches or tweaking a swing. It’s a piece of the glory I felt from playing my whole life. I wasn’t exactly sure how I would handle not having my last name in the paper each morning after an incredible game the night before but it’s actually been an easy transition. I played college ball, I played for a national title (for NJCAA) & I even won a state championship at the high school I now coach for; it’s time for someone else to step into the spotlight. It’s a feeling like no other to see the team you coach achieve greatness of any kind. It’s an overwhelming emotion to see your right fielder make a diving catch when you’ve seen her put in the time all week at practice; & I’m only the assistant coach. I’m the assistant coach for the time being anyways. I have every intention of taking over the Varsity softball program at Timberline High School as soon as possible.
“So when do classes start,” my dad asked me casually as we sat on the kitchen counter like we often did during my childhood. I said, “For what?” an immediate question that I instantly knew the answer to. Of course! How could it have slipped my mind that in order to be a head coach in the Boise School District, you have to have a job in the Boise School District! That was like a punch in the stomach & falling down three flights of stairs. I need to be back in school in the fall. It’s my only option to continue on this path that I’ve finally decided on. That was one of the scariest moments of my life & it continues to be a frightening routine as I walk down the green belt to campus every day.
“you need to be educated to put yourself in a position to make changes” (Bergevin, 1967)
Why didn’t I just stay in school? This is a question bombarding my brain almost every second of every day. I put myself in this situation that I so desperately don’t want to be in. Three years till I graduate, in three years the head coach position will be available, in three years I’ll be 28 and while some may not see my dilemma it’s constantly staring me in the face. If I had just stayed in school I’d have already graduated like 95% of my friends. If I had stayed in school I would hopefully have had a couple years of teaching under my belt and taking over this head coaching position would not even be a question. I’d be ready for that type of commitment…
Teaching in itself is a scary, intimidating idea to me. I’ve always thought that I might like to teach but never really knew if I’d be any good at it. Could I reach out & influence a growing mind to change the world & make it a better place? What if I suck? What if the worst teacher in teaching history goes down with my name directly to the right of it? I can always pray that my awkwardness would hide itself deep down inside & I would at some point find the confidence to stand up in front of 24 judgmental teenagers day in & day out but doubt is always there. Could I mimic the lessons of the teachers that I found funny, interesting, caring & memorable along the way?
... as we grow & mature our
“self-concept moves from being dependent to increasing levels of self-directness”
(Brockett, 2011)
Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves these days? Why do we have to know all the answers to our questions. Why do we have to grow up and forget that each day is a gift and that God has a plan?
This morning I took a dry erase marker from the board and wrote on my bathroom mirror in big, black letters a message that will hopefully remind me to ask those questions whenever I forget to remember just how great life truly is. I know tough days will come and at times the same sense of anxiety will come over my future and where I’m going but I will forever remember my brothers words when I brush my teeth before bed and when I wake up in the morning. “No more tears and no more pity parties; suck it up.”
Works Cited
Bergevin, Paul. A Philosophy for Adult Education. New York: The Seabury Press, 1967. 17, 61, 159. Print.
Brockett, Ralph G. "Adult Learning." Encyclopedia of Educational Psychology. 1. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, 2008.
